Highly Sensitive People usually react badly to criticism of conflict. Welcome to this series on highly sensitive human beings. HSP’s usually don’t react well to criticism and conflict. I remember when I used to work at a screen print company as a sign designer and I had to go down and have my work inspected by one of the directors. I loved the job at first. It was new and exciting. It was better than working on the print shop floor. I was 19 and it was my first responsible position.

After a while I noticed that I was being asked to make the most stupid changes to the most basic signs. This started to really grate on me, and I realised that he was not only doing this to me, but the other people working in the studio also.

I started to feel really hard done by. Later in life I encountered people like this who I actually worked for as a studio engineer. Instead of doing what they asked with the music, I would twiddle a few knobs on the desk, push a few faders up and down, and then turn to them and ask ‘Is that any better?’ and they always replied, yes, much better thank you. I had changed nothing.

Highly Sensitive People Are Usually Gentle

Highly sensitive people are the most tender and gentlest people you would ever want to meet. But we get pushed hard when we feel unappreciated and criticised. We take the position of feeling hard done by. We are emotionally soft hearted, which some people see as a push over.

What I have realised that when I deal with highly sensitive people, I need a softer approach. I like to be treated how I would expect to be treated. I don’t mind now when people speak to me in a harsh manner if it is deserved, because we can all get carried away with the heat of the moment. But that only really happens on very rare occasions.

"Highly Sensitive People Are The Most Tender And Loving"

Highly Sensitive People And Raising Your Voice

I have also learnt that raising your voice to highly sensitive people can really hurt them. When I was growing up, there was a lot of shouting in the house between my brothers. Sometimes this was directed at me. I used to run off into the garden and go and spend time with the animals we had there, like the guinea pigs, the dogs or the rabbit.

I found just being with them on their level was so much easier for me, because there was a communication, and it was peaceful and co respectful. There were no aggressive stances and loud voices. I felt happier there. And usually when my mother wanted to find me, she would come out and fetch me from the animals.

Highly Sensitive People Can Excel

Because of their nature, highly sensitive people tend to excel with everything they do. And they can pick up a hobby or a pastime very quickly and become very good at it, because of their depth of feeling and focus. I found this out about me when I was very young. When I was younger I used to love sport, because I was good at it. And I loved swimming also.

I realised the kind of focus you needed to excel at anything. When I first saw this about me in the ten bowling alley one day when I overheard my older brother speaking to his friend and said ‘Watch Peter, he seems to be able to pick things up really quickly.’ It was my first time in the bowling alley.

"Highly Sensitive People Tend To Pick Up Things Quickly"

Highly Sensitive People Need To Be Natural And In The Moment

This obviously pricked my ego and I came 100% into trying rather than just doing. I was starting to use force rather than power. And I failed miserably for the first game. I then let the force go and started to let myself fall into the moment. I no longer cared about the result, and just focused on the task at hand.

That was to knock the pins down at the end of the alley. And suddenly, my scores started to skyrocket, and I was challenging my older brother and his friends scores, and I had only just learnt the game. I was in that lovely dream state when I was playing, and nothing really mattered. It was magical.

Highly Sensitive People Can Get A Great Understanding Of Themselves

This gave me a great understanding of how we work as a highly sensitive. This helped me realise that when I was under the stress and pressure of performing to other people’s expectations, I would crash and burn. When I came back into myself and just let the moment unfold, with 100% focus on what I was doing, without any worries, the magic started to happen.

This was the same principle that I took into my music career. When I was nervous and stressed, I was a ploddy bass player, which is disastrous if you want to keep a good rhythm. When I was relaxed, I felt like I could do anything on the bass guitar.

And some of the better shows I performed in, people used to come up to me afterwards and say that they have never seen someone play the bass like that before. Being 100% present, without the stress and expectations on you, will help you be the best version of yourself. Always remember that.

"Highly Sensitive People Perform Best When They Are Relaxed And Focused"

Dealing With Conflict And Criticism Is Hard As A Highly Sensitive

Dealing with criticism and conflict is hard as a highly sensitive human being. We tend to shy away and go back into our shells. I used to be the opposite, which is the other extreme.

I reacted so badly that no one would ever criticise or want conflict with me again because of my terrible behaviour. This was my protection mechanism. We all have slightly different ways of reacting to criticism and conflict, but we do feel hard done by when it happens to us.

This need not happen when we are on top of our game. My way out of it was to be my own boss. Then the real truths start to dawn on you. You have to do everything to the best of your ability, and if it doesn’t work, try again.

Perfectionism And The Highly Sensitive

Highly sensitive people can lean towards perfectionism, and nothing is perfect, except perfect imperfections. When you over work something, you suck the life out of it. If you underwork something, it can be not finished properly. Being highly sensitive, you do have the power to see if something is good or bad. For me, I leave it at about 85% happy with, even less, because I know that is a fair standard. Otherwise, I work the life out of something I am working on.

What Can You Do About Conflict And Criticism As A Highly Sensitive?

Respond rather than react

Always remember, you have an amazing brain. And it doesn’t work properly when you get stressed and agitated from a given situation. Learn to take a moment and respond with your intelligence. It is far better than reacting from your intellect.

Be Present In The Moment

When you are in a moment where you are being criticised or in a conflict, try to stay in that moment and consider what is really happening. Sometimes the criticism can be constructive and useful to you. Other times it can be harmful, and hurtful.

Conflict needs to be avoided at all costs, and sometimes it is ok to raise your voice and say ‘Please stop now. This is not helpful!’

Could Earlier Emotional Experiences Be Affecting How You React?

If criticism or conflict seems to affect you more deeply than you would expect, it can be helpful to become curious about where that reaction may be coming from.

Sometimes our responses in the present are influenced by emotional experiences and protective patterns that developed much earlier in life.

If you would like to explore this connection more deeply, I invite you to watch my free Emotional Childhood Wounds Webinar.

In the webinar, I explore how earlier emotional experiences may continue to influence the way you think, feel, react and relate to other people in adult life.

I also introduce the Dream Method:

DISCOVER → REALISE → EMBRACE → ACTUALISE → MASTER

It provides a compassionate framework for recognising these patterns and considering what you would like to do with what you discover.

Watch The Free Emotional Childhood Wounds Webinar

If you already feel ready to begin exploring your patterns through a practical self-guided process, you can also follow the free Dream Method Pathway.

Choose the route that feels most appropriate for where you are now.

I look forward to connecting with you very soon.

Until then, be well and keep shining.

Peter. :)

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